Live to work? Or work to live?

Trent Steenholdt
December 5, 2025

5 minutes to read

Illustration credit: Vector Elements / Unsplash

I was once career focused, always wanting to climb the ladder. It was steeled in me early by my own doing and the influence of others that to be someone you have to achieve many things for a title. Whether it was my work in IT or my cricket umpiring journey, which was also high stress with very little reward at the pointy end in the Cricket Australia pathway, it was never enough for me.

I have watched fellow Principal Consultants and virtual CTOs work in bursts for months at a time brilliant at what they do, then hit a giant brick wall, have a complete breakdown, only to climb back on the same horse after a short holiday or break.

I have seen fellow umpires destroy entire families and lives because they chased a carrot that was never theirs to begin with, or one being chased by hundreds of others who were hungrier for it.

Sadly, I have been in those same patterns myself. I have had my own mental health struggles while trying to push up one ladder or through another pathway.

So what changed

Crisis. Moments like my parents immediate health scares, a horrible stillborn and having to bury your own child, a fractured marriage that come with just getting older and new life experiences, being made redundant. At the time you think, why is this happening to me. You blame the world.

In reflection, they are simple. They are ultimately lessons if you choose to take them. You can ignore them of course and let them beat you. I personally would never want to replay some of them again, but some are inevitable, some are fate, but you would never wish them on anyone. If there is no learning, there is no growth.

What changed from the crisis for me was reflection and actual proper reflection. None of this blokes over a beer saying “She’ll be right”. I took time with my family, my friends, my wife, my psych. I gave myself space to look at life differently when the time was right. Proper reflection takes more time than you ever think it will need. It can be months, years, your entire life.

Then came perspective. You realise people walk these same roads every day and follow the same pathways. You see others moving through tough times and some moving through good times. You may even be jealous of why they have it so good; but they are no different to you.

Then it is gratitude. You realise how lucky you are, even if you never saw it clearly before. You start saying things like:

I have a wonderful wife and life partner
I have a growing family with the cutest three year old this world will ever see
I have a good financial standing not because I worked hard, but because I was smart, responsible, good at it
I have a chance to do amazing things I do not even know I am destined to do

All these things add up. They multiply. They shape you.

It is not the job. It is not the career

So back to the job. Notice something? I have hardly written about it. That is because:

You will not be remembered for the number of certifications or accolades you collected, or the success stories you delivered at work.

You will be remembered for being a present father/mother, a stable provider, a supportive husband/wife/partner, a good friend. Someone others trust and feel safe and happy to be around.

You will remember the holidays you took, the good occasions had on the weekends, the hobbies you started, the personal things you achieved for yourself, not your career.

So if you are stressed at work right now or stressed at life, stop immediately. You need to break this mentally draining cycle.

Make your change

Feeling a bit lost. Mate, it is okay. I have been there. We have all been there.

Focus on yourself. “This weekend I am excited to watch the Formula 1. It will be a treat for me to sit and enjoy it”
Start small. “I am grateful for the dinner at the table tonight with the family”
Be smart, be real. “This 5 pm email can wait until tomorrow. It really can, they have a family too”
Find passion. “I do not want to keep doing the same things. I want to find the passion that will fill the heart”
Be present. “I will give my kid or kids an extra fifteen minutes of my time to play with them” Or if you have a wife, partner, husband, “I will ask them for a walk or a coffee date somewhere”
Tell them. “I appreciate you being there for me” You will be surprised how many say it back ten times louder

Best wishes

As we close out 2026, I hope this is a time for everyone to reflect on what matters. As many are feeling the strain, know that small changes today make big differences down the road.

Wishing you all a safe and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.